Friday, June 09, 2006

Sometimes it can all start wrong and end up in a good place...

My apartment smells like @$$, and I am quite unhappy!!  I think I left too much water on the carpet yesterday when I shampooed it and it soured.  It seems to be coming from right in front of the door, so I sprinkled two boxes of baking soda on the carpet, and hopefully tomorrow will be a different situation altogether.

I have a tough time with blogging b/c I have to figure out how to strike a balance between talking about what’s going on in my life and telling too much.  I stayed up really late last night (like 3:30AM), so I didn’t get up as early as planned so I felt like I was behind the 8 ball most of the day.  Went to an iMovie workshop at the Mac store, then came home, did laundry, discovered that my carpet was funky, so I re-shampooed, then I had to get cleaned up and head to LA for my “Holding Trevor” audition.  Now, about that audition...

I was a bit apprehensive b/c (I confess) I hadn’t prepared the way I should have.  I find that the more advance time I have with the script, the more I procrastinate.  The result is a lack of confidence.  So with the lack of time and lack of confidence I thought about canceling.  I mentioned that while speaking to my mother and she asked me “you got it like that now?”  (thanks Mama for keeping my feet on the ground).  I DON’T “have it like that” and the last thing I need to be doing is canceling auditions, so I called Ralphs and asked if I could be 1/2 hr. late with the carpet shampooer (yes), and drove to the audition.  While driving (and reading the monologue that I should have memorized a week earlier), I made some choices  I got into the room and I was actually feeling pretty good, considering.  UNTIL I was told that I had printed the wrong sides!!  (WHAT?)  So I said that if they gave me the correct sides, I would be happy to look them over & come back in, after all, “I’m an actress—that’s what I do” (never mind the fact that an actress actually PREPARES, but I can flog myself later).  So I went in and I think it went well.  They also asked me to perform what I had (ahem) prepared.

I will NEVER go into another audition unprepared if I can help it. I pride myself on being professional and prepared, and this is self-sabotage at it’s finest.  It is unacceptable for me, and I will not tolerate it from myself.  I’m in it to win it, yall, and this ain’t the way.

I tend to be high-strung (even when I look cool, calm, and collected) and it wreaks havoc on me from time to time.  This is one of those times.  Not quite ready to put it into words yet, I need to think about it first  More later... (did I mention that my "check engine" light came on??)


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