There are ups and downs. I mean really high highs (when I felt like nothing could ever go wrong again) and really low lows (when I stayed in bed or on the couch for WEEKS with the covers pulled over my head, and really needed medication), plus everything in between. That's life. I've learned a lot about myself over the last few years, and I've learned a lot about the people around me. I've learned where my limitations and weaknesses are, how to accept them, and compensate for them when necessary. The older I get, the more comfortable I feel in my own skin.
From the time I was a child I was told that I was I was special. I was always the "smart" one (I wanted to be the "cute" one, lol--that was my sister Melanie). I never believed anything less. I thought I could do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. I've had a few things happen in my life that started to make me wonder if I had been sold a bill of goods. Maybe I wasn't so "special" after all. More than one boyfriend made sure to tell me that. I decided to keep my beliefs and get rid of those boyfriends. I've never stopped believing that as long as I am breathing I can change the direction of my life--all it takes is God and elbow grease. I'm not afraid to do the work. I am determined to get what I want or die trying. I mean that. What else is there?
Today, I realize that I AM special. But guess what? We all are. The only thing is that some of us realize it and some of us don't. I so wanted to be "fly" in high school. Um...not. Ever. I'm a computer nerd. I'm an introvert--being the life of the party takes way too much energy and more than a little alcohol. I haven't seen size 7 (which I hear is near plus-size these days) in about 8 years. I have never worn a weave, and cut my hair short about 7 years ago. I am a shade under 6 feet barefoot. But guess what? I am statuesque. I am strong mentally and physically. I work hard. I am honest. I have an expressive face. I have a hearty laugh. I like to think before I speak. I have learned that if I sit back at watch people their actions will tell me all that I need to know about them. And I know that if whatever I'm going through doesn't stop my heart, I can choose a different path. I so wish all of the people I care about believed that. Over the last week (since my Wal-Mart commercial first aired) people have contacting me saying that I'm representing for: black people, dark-skinned sisters, full-figured women, and black women with natural hair. If my being myself makes other people feel like it's okay for them to be themselves, that's a wonderful thing.
Alright, I'm going to stop preaching. I'm going on vacation this summer--to Europe for the first time (always wanted to go). I can't tell you when because I don't want folks trying to find me and break into my house, lol (I'm laughing, but I ain't joking). I REALLY don't have anything worth taking. I just wanted to leave you with a personal testimony and some thoughts that might inspire you. I'm tired, I need a break. I work hard, and I've seen some results--I finally believe that I DESERVE a break.
When I come back, I'm going to bring the fire. Whatever it takes. Take that ish to the bank.
What else is there?
Live on purpose. If you're at rock-bottom, build your life from the ground up.