Thursday, September 24, 2009

Overwhelmed.

I'm auditioning a lot lately, and I am happy to have so many opportunities. I'm getting called back, but no new bookings yet. Patience, Nicole, patience. Yeah, I know. I am also overwhelmed at the moment. Every day I go to class for three hours, and I also work with my class partner for an hour. At some point I have to eat (at least twice a day), and if I have an audition (or two, or three), there is plenty of script-studying, and clothes-changing going on. I've been half-naked all over the Southland. There's also lots of driving. Lots and lots of driving. Don't forget the day-to-day stuff we all need to do: laundry, appointments, some 'me' time, returning phone calls, blogging... yesterday I had a 3.5 hour workshop AFTER my 3 hour class, which took place AFTER I drove an hour back to the valley AFTER my "'Til Death" audition, for which I arrived 50 mins. early, hoping I could get in and still make it to class on time. No go. I got to class about an hour late. I hate being late.

I'm back in the gym, and I've even started going to a yoga class just to have an hour dedicated to slowing down and being good to myself with something that's actually good for me. Today I left my "Accidentally on Purpose" audition and went right to the gym. While I was at the gym, my commercial agency called to tell me that I had a last-minute audition, and I had an hour to get to it. My phone was in my locker, so I missed it. I've never, EVER missed an audition call completely before, and I called back to let my agent's assistant know that I was at the gym and didn't get the call in time, and she was understanding, but I want to take advantage of EVERY OPPORTUNITY. I just have to let that go, I know.

At the end of the day, after class ends, I see what I can scare up for dinner (usually haven't eaten since around noon), and instead of winding down, I prepare for the next day. After I finish this blog post, I have to get back to work on a script for an audition that I have tomorrow. I also have to prepare for my morning rehearsal with my class partner so that we'll be prepared. I had a dismal showing at the workshop last night because I didn't prepare enough. That ain't how I roll, and I don't intend to start. Neither do I intend to end up back on anti-anxiety meds.

Tomorrow's audition? It's a half-hour before class starts. And ten miles away from where my class is held, which means at least a half-hour drive with light traffic (Lord-willing). I'm planning to get there early, but that doesn't mean they'll actually see me early.

All I can do is all I can do. I'm grateful for the opportunities, but I'm also tired.

And some people think actors and actresses just show up and be cute, or sleep with a director or producer and get gigs that pay tons of money so we can spend time summering on our yachts on the French Riviera, and walk down red carpets in-between award show after-parties. Ha!

Right now, I'd like to book something H-U-G-E so I can go to work everyday, shoot for 14 hours a day (something I would LOVE), and not play the creative accounting game to pay my bills! That's a "good" tired.

And I'm trusting that this is how I'm going to get there.

So I suppose, this is the "good" kind of tired too.

Once again, the glass is half full, and all is right in my world.

Mini-rant over. Gotta go study my script.

Soon,

--Nicole

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