Saturday, March 27, 2010

Moving Right Along...

I've been auditioning and getting a lot of callbacks lately.  I've had two theatrical bookings so far this year (both were co-star roles), and nothing commercially since July 2008!  I have to do better.  I've worked on a lot of shows, but a co-star role is less than 5 lines, and at this point I don't feel like it's anything to write home about.  I've done it to death.  Time to move onward and upward.  At this point, if I'm not really going to be doing anything with a character arc and a plot, I at least want to be booking commercials so I don't have to play the creative accounting game (i.e. "I'll pay this bill this month and that one next month.") or do more production work that always leaves me sick and tired (literally).  My dues have been paid, and I'm ready for more.  I'm ready to MAKE more happen.  My hair is long huge now and I look different than I did with short hair, so I will be calling Dennis Kwan next week and getting a shoot scheduled.  I will also confer with everyone on my team to get their perspective(s) on what I can do to move forward.  Enough of this.

I had a really, really, REALLY bad audition this week.  This rarely happens anymore:  I prepare and I bring my "A" game.  Sometimes it feels GREAT, sometimes just 'okay,' but very rarely just plain awful.  I went to a commercial callback feeling really good because my initial audition was great and I felt like the gig was mine to lose.  And I bombed miserably.  My "A" game just wasn't good enough.  I'm well aware that improv is not my forte, and no (honestly), I don't want to go to an improv class.  There are people who do that and do it well.  There are people who love improv.  I am neither, and I'm okay with admitting that.  So when the callback required that I improv off of my "family," I said some inappropriate things.  Not cursing or anything like that, just a lot of nonsensical stuff.  After a few misfires I just clammed up and wanted to get out of there.  It was a really bad feeling.  I went from that commercial callback to an audition for a new 1/2 hr. comedy, taking extra time to sit in my car and adjust my attitude so that I could let go of what had just happened, and focus on the next one.  The second audition went well, but as soon as I was done, my bad attitude was sitting right there waiting for me and it rode on my back until the next day.  I've since let it go - what'cha gonna do?  But sucking sucks.

Onward and upward.  And forward.

XXOO

--Nicole

3 comments:

Minou said...

Bad days/bad auditions happen to all of us. Don't be harsh to yourself. You've lots of pressure on your shoulder, haven't you? I'm so with you, I have the same problem at the time.
But stay focused. Make new pics, try to get some commercial stuff for the money. Give yourself some time to recover from that annoying sh****.

You always have inspiring words & advice for others. Hopefully you've someone around you giving you strong back (do you say it like this? :-) ).
Send you powerful thoughts - you'll rock it girl!

Kristen said...

i saw under your profile that you "love shoes, purses, and books!" well guess what: so do I! ESPECIALLY books. literature and fashion is my thing.

Nicole J. Butler said...

@ "Minou" - thanks, Lady. I am hard on myself, but (as I just wrote in the post after this one), I don't know any other way. But I'm still standing, thanks to you and other people who have encouraged me, and for my family who built me strong.

@ Kristin - A kindred spirit!! So good to meet you. I have so many shoes, purses, and books that I had to stop buying them because it was getting pretty ridiculous. And also because I have run out of places to put them. ;oP