Throwing Away The Bones.

After an audition, I usually throw the sides into the nearest trash can.  Lately, for some reason, I've been holding on to them, and they've been accumulating.  The other day, I walked into my apartment and looked around.  Old scripts all over the place:  The floor, the couch, the table...

"This looks like a script graveyard."  I actually said, before I thought about it.

And then I thought about it.

I've been auditioning a lot lately, and not booking anything.  Nothing.  Nay-thin.

Even the "big name" actors always say that there are times when they think they may never work again.  I don't feel THAT way, but I am wondering... when??

I mean, what gives?  I'm taking classes, I'm marketing myself, I'm auditioning, I cut my hair again because it was feeling all raggedy shaggedy and I suspected that my discomfort was coming across on camera.  I didn't all of a sudden go from "good actress" to "bad actress."  I'm actually giving a lot of good auditions. If I were bombing, that would be an easier "fix," but I'm not.  What the heck is this all about??

I wish I had an answer, but I don't know.  All I can do is stay ready and trust that my preparation will meet the right opportunity.  When it's mine, it's mine.  Baseball players fall into slumps, but they keep practicing, keep getting coached, keep swinging, and then they're hitting home runs again.  Acting is an important part of my life, but it isn't my life, and I have to keep that perspective. I work hard at doing the things that lead to work, and I make sure I have other things in my life that I enjoy as well.

These old scripts are going into the trash RIGHT NOW.  No ghosts of old characters living with me unless they're gonna help with the rent.

--Nicole