Going Public

(Written May 24, 2021)

Parts of my life are public because of what I do for a living, but I'm pretty private. Not really "secretive," I just don't think every move I make is everybody's business, nor is my day-to-day life interesting enough for me to delude myself into believing that every event is newsworthy. Social media (+ blog) makes it easy to shout every thought from the rooftops, but that doesn't mean that it's necessary, in my opinion.

Lately, though, I'm having to have "the conversation" more and more, and it's tough. People get sad and don't really know what to say, which I understand completely, so I try to make them feel better, but nobody really feels good about being on either side of the "I'm in cancer treatment." conversation.  Instead of having multiple conversations about cancer, I'm going to post it on social media and anyone who's interested enough in my life & career to follow my various accounts will know about my diagnosis. After having the conversation twice last week, I recorded a video then decided against posting it. I had to have the conversation again this weekend, and was urged to "tell [my] fans." I was going to post today, but didn't want to interfere with my sister's enjoyment of her birthday, so I'll go public tomorrow.

How am I feeling? Meh. Very sore with the occasional shooting pain. Mostly lethargic and fatigued. After treatment, I feel myself getting more and more tired as I walk the short distance to my car, and I rarely get through the day without at least one (long) nap. Tylenol helps with the pain. My skin is sensitive and turning darker now (the discoloration is *supposed* to go away in time), but no blistering or anything like that. 9 treatments to go. I honor myself by accepting where I am, but do my best to avoid wallowing by reminding myself that it could be much, much worse. I'll be fine. Different, but fine.💙

--Nicole