Still Grateful...

Posting this here for those of you who know how much I love birds...



--Nicole

I am blessed.

(Warning: this is a really long post)

I am aware that being "an actress in LA" sounds glamorous. It used to sound that way to me too, before I realized that LA actresses were a dime a dozen. WORKING actresses are far less common.

I recently reconnected with some high school buddies and acquaintances. Some of these people also happen to be elementary schoolmates, so I've known some of these folks since I was 10 years old. They've known ME since I was 10 years old. Tall, skinny, and awkward with long hair and (later) braces. We are getting together over the holidays for an impromptu reunion and I'm really excited. I am anxious to see them, see who looks the same and who looks very different, see what paths their lives have taken. We are sharing pictures and swapping email addresses and website urls. I am impressed by the jobs that some of them have. Stuff I could/would NEVER DO in a zillion years. ("Engineer what? Excuse me?") And, it seems, that they are very impressed by mine. Actress. In Hollywood.

I say "Thank you." graciously and sincerely. I have put a LOT of work into this career and intend to keep doing so. I won't lie--it's nice for that to be acknowledged. But with equal sincerity I have to say that my path is no greater than anyone else's. The key is to do what you love. If you are an engineer, a rocket scientist, or an actress, and you HATE what you do, that's not a good thing. If you scrub the streets with a toothbrush and you are HAPPY, then you are blessed beyond compare. You can't go wrong if you are doing something that brings you happiness. As long as it doesn't hurt or cause harm to anyone else, it's all good.

I am an artist and have been an artist since before I realized it. Back when I thought "artist" was a title reserved for people who knew how to draw really well. Now I know that artists come in a myriad of forms - we are just regular people who see (and embrace) God in the mundane. I have heard it said that "the devil is in the details" but I believe that God lives in the details. I love the details. Learning to examine them. Just yesterday I was thinking that it is WONDERFUL that I, as an actress, can study all sorts of things and they will strengthen my instrument (myself), and inform my work, Plus I can put some of it on my resume and i will make me more marketable. That's like the cherry on top. I think it's important to keep learning in order to not become stagnant. Some actors feel like they need to be in acting class all the time. Good for them. I don't share that opinion. I think there is a season for everything--a season to study and a season to practice. Then when I've gone as far as I can go on my own, I can go study some more. That's how I feel right now with regard to my acting. It's time to go back to class. So in January I plan to be back in acting class, soaking up knowledge like a sponge because I want to be the BEST actress that I can possibly be. I'm anxious to make some things happen in 2008.

I saw an actor acquaintance of mine today. He's pretty well-known (I don't want to say who it is b/c I don't want to hear that I'm name-dropping or any mess like that) but it was good to see him. He is doing his thing, and I see him on TV on a regular basis. i mean BIG time. I am very happy for him. Very. And when I see him on TV, I get happy because I know it's possible to start from nothing (or very little) and make a living in a career where people say it's "tough", "impossible", "competitive", and many other buzzwords. At the rate of sounding hokey, I will say anything is possible. Anything. You just have to be willing to listen to your inner voice above the voices of anyone else. You have to believe, not only that alchemy is possible, but that it happens every day if you will it so. I once had a (beloved) boyfriend tell me that I was "no different from the other working stiffs all over the world [who got up and went to] jobs that they hate" because their bills need to get paid. I was highly offended. That was completely and utterly unacceptable to my sensibilities. I refused to accept that way of life. Refuse(d) to accept that God brought me in this world to be miserable. Refuse(d) to accept unhappiness as "normal". Would rather die on my feet than live on my knees. I wasn't above working at a job I wasn't particularly happy with for a little while in order to finance my bigger picture, but I knew I wouldn't be there long-term.

I'm getting sleepy, so I'd better wrap this up: The moral of the story is this: learn from others, but question everything, and ultimately, go with your gut. Find a way to do what makes you happy. Don't take "no" or "you can't" as an answer. Learn as much as you can about anything that interests you. And above all: LIVE ON PURPOSE. What's the alternative?


Nighty-night.

--Nicole

IT'S MY ANNIVERSARY!

9 years ago today I landed in Los Angeles with stars in my eyes, $200 in my pocket, and a smile on my face. I had never seen palm trees, mountains, nor an ocean up close and personal before. Since then a LOT has happened. I have taken and quit at least a half-dozen jobs (not counting the temp job I got fired from a week after I got here), broken up with a boyfriend of 10 years, gained 2 brothers-in-law, and 8 nieces and nephews. My grand-mother and great-grandmother have passed from this world into the next one. I wrecked one car, had one repo'd, bought another one, and traded it for the cute little convertible I drive now (sometimes a little too fast on the canyon roads that once scared me half to death). I have gone from wearing sandals all winter to being cold when the temperature drops below 65 degrees. I have gone from no pets to a house full of birds, back down to a more manageable number (3). I have gained 80 lbs., and lost 30. I have gone from wearing my hair relaxed to shaving it all off, to growing dreadlocks. Then I shaved it again, and made peace with it--settling comfortably into the natural curly 'do I now sport. I have been to Aruba, France, and Italy. I have gone from being miserable making $62K a year in corporate America to happily making $12K a year after I quit my job. I have gone from paying $475 in rent to paying $1100, and back down to $900. I have had surgery on both feet. I have gone from being afraid to audition to being able to make a living as an actress. Not only an artist, but a business woman.

Lots has happened in 9 years--far too much to list here. Good things have happened, and bad things have happened, but looking back on it all, I don't regret one thing. Yes, I have plans for the future, but if I were to die today, know that I have lived. And I have been blessed.

--Nicole

Where did I leave off??

It's been a busy few days. Let's see if I can get you all caught up...

Tuesday evening, I got a call from my manager telling me that I had a "really good" audition for "Lincoln Heights". I looked at the script and got excited about it. It was a mom who had lost her children due to drug use and was going to see one for the first time in several years. A meaty scene instead of 1 line (though 1 line can pay some bills too, don't get me wrong). This is the kind of role I LOVE because of the creativity & emotional range I get to experience while doing it, but I got stuck. I couldn't really do what the role demanded for some reason--probably some combo of nervous excitement and rust. So I relied on my technique to get me there, worked on it, rehearsed with a friend on Wednesday night (a fellow Meisner-ite), then met with a coach on Thursday morning. I went in R-E-A-D-Y! I wore no make up and did nothing to my hair (not the way to bring sexy back, let me tell ya), so I grabbed my cowboy hat and a pair of shades and headed to the audition. I got some strange looks, but I just used it for the scene--I'm sure drug addicts get LOTS of strange looks. I got to the audition and saw some people that I recognized, but b/c I was in "disguise", they didn't recognize me. There were a lot of strange characters floating around there, though. One woman kept stomping up & down the street yelling obscenities (in English AND Spanish, thankyouverymuch) and arguing with nobody in particular. I had read all of the sides for the show, so I knew she was an actress also, and not just another L.A. nutjob. (Or maybe those two aren't mutually exclusive descriptions.) Then I saw some woman who actually looked like a crack addict walking down the street smoking a cigar. Alrighty, then.

I went in, the CDs looked me kinda strange until I took off my hat and my glasses and did my thing. I felt good about it, and didn't want to ruin that good feeling by over-analyzing it so I just shook it off and went to my next audition: A one-liner for "The Watch". Easy as pie.

The next morning I was getting ready for my weekend trip to Palm Springs and my manager called to tell me that she got a call from the Lincoln Heights CD, and they loved me. (Yayy!) I was happy to hear that I had made a couple of new fans. This was my first time in front of them and I really wanted to make a great impression. HOWEVER, they couldn't hire me for this role because I'm too big to be a crack addict. Very true. This was something I noticed when reading the script, but worrying about stuff like that is not my job. My job is to bring the character to life. The CD told my manager that they would call me back in as soon as they have something suitable. I consider this a success story. I didn't get the job, but that's okay. Seriously. What's mine is mine.

I went to Palm Springs (pix later) and it was...interesting. Got back today and was so exhausted I felt like I was moving in slow motion. Opened my apartment door and the biggest wasp I have ever seen was flying around in my apartment. I promptly proceeded to have a nervous breakdown. I stood in the doorway for about 25 minutes, called a friend of mine (wasn't reachable), then asked my apartment manager to come in and help a damsel in distress. I apologized because this really isn't his job, but unless he wanted me to take up residence in the hallway, something clearly needed to happen, and fighting wasps ain't in my constitution. I fell asleep on the couch, and woke up at midnight--STARVING. Nothing here to eat, so I went up the street to Wendy's (closed), then drove to an all-night Mickey D's (healthy). It's now after 4AM, and I have LOTS to do tomorrow...including an audition for "The Shield".

I'm getting in for lots of TV auditions now and feeling good about that. I'm really building my career brick by brick. How blessed am I??

Good night.

--Nicole

I really should be asleep...

since I have to meet my Pilates trainer at 9AM, not to mention that they are turning off the water in my building from 9A-5P (something wrong with the pipes), so I have to get up way earlier than usual and make sure I've washed everything that will need washing before I leave home the FIRST time because I won't be able to come back and do it later.

I got home from a workshop with casting director Twinkie Byrd around 10:45PM, talked to my mother (on the phone) for a while, and started reading e-mails from family and friends who are 'consoling' me after my un-booking. Some are funny, some were hopeful, and a few were sad. All were supportive, and I appreciate that. I'm really in a good place right now and realize how blessed I am to have support from people who know me and love me anyway (no easy feat sometimes). This is just part of the journey. All of the cliches that I have heard apply right now: "it's a marathon, not a sprint", "what's really yours, nobody can take", "when God closes a door, He opens a window"... take your pick, they're all true. (Cliches become "cliche" for a reason.) I do love my life right now. It's not perfect, but it's mine, and I intend to ride it until the wheels fall off.

Okay, gonna wash my face and go to bed.

Stay tuned...

--NJB

P.S.--Yes, I know the word "cliche" should have an accent over the "e", but whenever I type accents on blogger, they turn into strange symbols.

YAYYYY!!!

I booked the Lexus commercial I auditioned for on Monday!  This is my 3rd in a month.   I feel so blessed.

BOOKED IT!!!

Just the Rozerem spot!! On my BIRTHDAY, no less. Color me happy. :D :D

This is #4 in the past 13 months. I do work hard, but I always feel SO blessed when I book something.

Today's a happy day--I'm a little giddy. Life is beautiful.

*CHEESE*

--Nicole

13 auditions in the last 2 weeks...

Two resulted in callbacks, one resulted in my being put on "avail" (but not actually hired), and one resulted in being hired, but then I was un-hired.

Is this normal? What's "average"? I don't know about all of that. I just know that I'm doing the best I can do. It's times like these that make me wonder--what am I doing?? What can I do to turn this around? I will be going back to The Meisner Center for continued training, but aside from staying sharp, all I can do is just keep moving forward and living life. I'm also writing, so...I take it in stride.

I still consider myself blessed to be living my dream. Now it's time for me to do some goal-setting and step it up a few notches. I ain't playin'. ;o)

--NJB

2 auditions today, and I've been put on avail for the Time Warner Cable spot

Dudes and Dudettes:

I'm trying not to get excited b/c avails fall through all the time, but if they don't actually hire me for this Time Warner spot...then I don't know what to say. I knocked both auditions out of the park (first & callback). I did all I could. I'll keep ya posted.

I had a print audition for "Sony" today, as well as an audition for the indie feature "Shortcut to Hollywood." I felt good about both.

Now I'm at home, chillin' and watching Oprah. Ready for the weekend--it's been a busy week--TEN AUDITIONS!! I didn't even think that was possible!! I guess anything is, right?? Doesn't seem like it should be tiring b/c the actual audition really doesn't take that long, but the preparing, the driving, the waiting, the driving, the marketing, and oh yeah, the driving...is part of the work. I'm not complaining AT ALL--I feel blessed. I like getting out there--kinda like the lottery: you can't win if you don't play!

--Ciao!

Another Busy Week...

And no end in sight. I'm blessed to be working, but a sista is TIRED!! I'm wrapping out the NAACP Image Awards, was on set for "Dreamgirls" this week (anyone reading this, please don't let me do any more extra work), participated in a reading, went to dinner twice (a friend's mother was in town), and almost went to a party, but I was ready to drop.

I am going to go on vacation this year.

--Nicole

Happy New Year!!

Okay, so I'm a little late with that, but this is my first post of the new year so...

I went to Chicago for the holidays to help my mother move into her new home, and came back tired and run-down. I've been trying to get it together, but keep getting sick. Today a friend of mine who has been in the business for a while (yes, actually working) got on my case about not eating & sleeping properly, so I have decided to start taking better care of myself. Yes, I know it's almost 1AM and my bee-hind is up typing on the computer, but I PROMISE I will stop making this a regular occurrence. I need to be at the top of my game if I expect 2006 to go the way I want it to.

My Milk commercial started airing about 2 weeks ago. I saw it for the first time this past week and I did the happy dance right here in my living room. I just feel so blessed. I also know who's in my corner and who the haters are. That's a-ight. Can't nobody steal my shine! ;o)

Working on some scripts, working on a collaborative project with a group of people whose work I admire, working in production on an awards show, working with another actress who asked me to participate in a scene with her for her audition for The Actors Studio...working, working, working. I'm tired right now and not feeling all that great, but that's my own fault. I can't complain one bit. Thank God for the work. I need to eat my veggies, get to bed at a decent time and (gasp) reacquaint myself with the gym. Ugh. I friggin' HATE cardio!!! I can lift weights until the cows come home, but I HATE cardio, and I know that's what I need. Maybe if I eat enough vegetables, I can bypass the cardio? I really don't mind my size 12 butt--heck, where I come from I'm normal (not like this size-2 Hollywood business), but I want to be healthy. I don't want all those "diseases of the fork" that my family is prone to have: diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, etc. None for me thanks. Can you believe I have a treadmill in my apartment?? Haven't been on it since, like, October. Cryin' shame.

Okay, off to bed I go. Ciao.

Haven't written a post in a while...

I am as much a writer as I am an actress, and when I don't write, it's usually because I'm trying to keep from dealing with something. Things are moving along for me career-wise, but I have family issues that I'm trying to ignore.

Anyhoo--I'll go deal with that on my own and spare you the details. I do want to tell you that I was put on avail for a Western Union commercial (shoots tomorrow and they didn't call me to tell me how desperately they need me, so I guess I didn't get it). Sucks, but with each "almost" I'm getting better and better. I audition quite a bit.

In addition to being with Coast to Coast commercially, I now have theatrical and print representation as well. I am represented theatrically by Carol Oleesky and my print agent is Melanie Raymundo, both of Privilege Talent and Literary Agency. Dallas Travers of Sage Marketing still does my marketing. I expect things to be hopping for me around pilot season. It's time.

Everything that I put on my "goals" list at the beginning of the year has come to fruition. I am blessed. Yes, I worked my butt off also, but I know I am blessed.

I still want one more commercial before the year is over.

(never satisfied...)

Talk to you later.

--Nicole

My first commercial--"Milk"

I got a call on Thursday 11/10 telling me that my fitting would be on Tuesday, 11/15. When I hadn't heard anything by noon on Monday, 11/14, I was panicked. I thought they had decided to kick me out before I even started. I called and spoke to Lisa, my agent's assistant. She told me that this is par for the course. I got a call later telling me I had an audition the next day for Sharpie (I use them all the time, but didn't even know Sharpie had commercials). I got a call at 9PM telling me my fitting would be at noon the next day in Culver City.

I got there, tried on clothes, my "husband" didn't show up (though I was assured that he was cute). I did get to meet a lot of nice people though, including Toccara from America's Next Top Model. She's gorgeous.

Anyhoo, I asked when my shoot was going to be, and was told that it would be on Thursday, and I would get my call time on Wed. I had to be on set at 10AM on Thursday and I tend to get lost so I left home at 8. I got a little lost, but not too badly. The shoot was at a mansion right up the hill from Zuma Beach. The view was breathtaking. I got there and I was sooooooo happy to see that I had my own trailer with my name on it!!! I felt like a star-ruh!! I met my husband (who was quite fine), tried on my wardrobe again, had some alterations, tried it on again, had to change undergarments a couple of times, tried it on again...went to make-up where they waved their magic wands and hooked a sistuh up (thanks Natalie & Dora). I felt like a boo-yah hottie!! ;o)

I rode up to the mansion and was put through my paces (making eye contact with my hubby, holding his hand as I sashayed down the stairs). It was cool--well actually it wasn't. It was hot as hell and since the makeup people had put baby oil on me before I walked out, I was all greasy. They told me not to worry about it as long as the clients didn't complain. I KEPT missing my mark. I asked my husband (whose real name is Dickie) if he had been at this for a while and he said he had shot 9 commercials in the last 10 months. I told him this was my first one and I didn't want to get fired b/c I couldn't hit my mark. He told me I was doing fine. I had already been told that the director, Mike Rolston was a top-notch, world-reknowned photographer and that I should be honored to be shooting with him. I couldn't focus on all of that--I was just trying to follow my directions and hit that friggin' mark at the bottom of the stairs!! The director told me a few times that I had to give him more "happy commercial smile" and less "sultry". Hey, I was feelin' it and was servin' it, lol.

I took some time to look out over the ocean, sit in my trailer, drive along PCH and just realize how blessed I am to have had this experience. I hope it is just the first of many. Of course I took a couple of pictures in front of my trailer to show my mother!!

No time to rest on my laurels...gotta keep the momentum going...

To have what others won't have, you have to do what others won't do. I'm going to keep working. You do the same.

Love,

--Nicole