Saturday, September 24, 2005

Time to Regroup

I'm in a very pensive place right now. I went to a memorial service today for well-known artist and all-around good guy Joseph Beckles who passed away on Sunday, Sept. 18. It was held at Nate Holden Performing Arts Center in Los Angeles, and the place was packed! It was amazing to look around and see all of the people whose lives had been touched by Joseph in such a way that they were moved to attend the celebration of his homegoing. And it was a celebration of life rather than a mourning of death. We all have to leave sometime, and none of us knows when. If, at the end of our lives, we have lived in such a way that people were better for having known us or our works, then our lives were not in vain. As an artist, as a woman, as an African-American, and as a human being, I want to live that way. I want to do work that matters and touches people long after I am gone. I am not in 'the business' to be a star or a celebrity. I am in 'the business' because I would like to make my living (i.e. pay my bills) as an actress so I don't have to work a day job that will detract from the energy I have to put forth into my artistry.

This week I had an audition for Tycos at TLC Casting. Last week Ross Lacy called me in to audition for Sears. I haven't heard back yet, but we'll see...

I also had an audition for the lead in a play called "Eighty Six" for The Syndicate. I got the sides at about 11PM on Wednesday evening, and my audition was 6:45 PM the next day (and I am working in production on "The Black Movie Awards" right now). I took about an hour to highlight and read the script and feel out the character before going to bed. I would love to play the part because I find the story of this woman who has lost all hope and hit rock bottom really poignant. While reading it, I also realized that I haven't worked on something this meaty in a while, and I miss it. I also felt a little rusty. I thought I would have time to work on it a bit before the audition, but I GOT LOST (as I frequently do) and got there just in time to audition. I decided I wouldn't worry too much about the words because I was holding the script, and that I would just concentrate on my character's reality. The audition was in a seedy part of LA and as soon as I set foot out of my car, I just decided to believe that this was my home. The filth and grime seemed to close in on me. I went in and did it. Felt it. At the end I knew with certainty that if I didn't get the role, it wasn't because I wasn't good, because I most certainly WAS. I told the producer and CD "thank you" for allowing me to work on this. The producer told me "no, thank YOU. You are really good. I don't even need you to read it a second time. You are beautiful to watch." Wow.

I'm going to go write now. I have a lot of stuff to work out, and if I don't get it out of my head, it might explode!

'Til later,

--Nicole

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