Interesting question...

In light of my recent booking success, was asked the same, very interesting question TWICE today. They were both variations on the following:

Tell me what you are thinking about, and what your internal intentions are... how you are feeling before and during the auditions with your recent bookings...

This REALLY gave me pause. I had to think about it, and here's what I came up with:

I'm more confident. Not cocky, but confident in my abilities, and not confusing "business" with "personal stuff". People are hiring me, so I must be doing some things right. I'm not doing negative self-talk like I used to (i.e. what if they don't like me, I'm taller than all of the guys in the room, all the other women are size two, blah, blah, blah...). I've started thinking that they have to hire SOMEBODY, and since they called me in, I'm most of the way there. I'm a professional. I know what I'm doing. I believe that I do good work, and if what I have to offer matches up with what they need, then it's win-win. If not, the CD will remember me for next time. Maybe I AM too tall for a particular job, or they want a size-two blonde. It's the client's job to think about that stuff. My job is to trust that I am trained and talented enough to just go in and do what I do because nobody can do it the exact same way.

When I get a callback, I go in believing that the job is mine and if someone else wants it, they have to take it from me. If I don't book it, I don't take it as personally as I used to, and carry that baggage with me into the next audition, or sit on the sofa and eat potato chips.

Okay, sometimes I do, but not as much as I used to.

I posted this in hopes that somebody who IS having a problem with negative self-talk, and sabotaging their hard work will find something that helps. I'm not an expert on this, and I have to make adjustments daily, but I now realize that I am no longer the same woman who walked into an audition 5 years ago, so self-conscious that I couldn't even do what was being asked of me (I was too worried about what "they" were thinking). I trained for 2 years before going on another audition, took about a year to learn about the business by attending seminars, workshops, and talking to actors who were having successes. Then I got my tools together (good pix, resume, online casting services), and jumped in. I'm still training, and I'm still going to seminars, workshops, and talking to actors who are finding success. Sometimes it makes me neurotic, and I have to center myself, but It's been about 2 years since I got serious about doing what it takes to build my career, and it's a blessing to see results.

If others are doing it, so can I. And so can you. We just have to do the work. Without excuse or apology.

--Nicole

P. S.--BTW, I went to a screening of "Dreamgirls" today, and Jennifer Hudson is awesome!! I look forward to seeing her career blossom. Eddie Murphy did his thing, too!