Thursday, May 26, 2011

"I Ain't No Punk!"

"Take your best shot!"
Turns out, when you tell life "I ain't no punk!" life tries to punk you.

I've been stubborn since way back. My family will swear the truth of the story that my mother told a two-year-old me to go to bed, and I didn't want to. After a test of wills, I did go to bed, but slept with my head 2" off the pillow all night. I wouldn't think that's even humanly possible, but every adult family member who was around at that time tells the same story, and I can't remember one way or the another, so I just accept it on faith.

And it's very much in-line with my personality.

Recent years have found me working at becoming a more patient, malleable soul. Life has taught me that if you don't learn how to bend, you are more prone to breakage. I'm practicing non-attachment, because everything changes all the time, and holding on to things that are transitory really does cause suffering. I'm not as "black-and-white" as I used to be, because I now believe that we really are all doing the best that we know how, and when we know better, we'll do better.

But that little girl who found a way to obey and defy at the same time still lives in me, and when a challenge comes my way, I grit my teeth and remind myself that "I ain't no punk!" It has become a battle cry of sorts. A warrior's mantra. A warning to whatever monster is threatening me: "I don't know what you heard, but if you think this is going to be easy, you might want to think again."

Sometimes the monster runs away. I chuckle as I imagine it - big screaming purple thing with a mane and lots of teeth, tucking its tail between its legs and scampering away.

Usually the monster calls my bluff, and I have to fight. For my career, for my health, for my loved ones, for my life.

I've been fighting wars on several different fronts lately, and have more than a few battle wounds, but I'm also stronger than I've ever been, and getting more so everyday. I'm less afraid because I stare fear down, and use its weak spots to dismantle it. Turns out when you ask fear "What's the worst that you can do to me?" The answer is anti-climactic.

Through all of this, I feel like a lesson has emerged: Sometimes what you believe in will necessitate an out-and-out brawl. The questions are: How bad do you want it? What are you willing to do to achieve what you say you want to achieve? Does your passion burn hot enough to fuel you?

If you need to hit what you're aiming at, then put on your boxing gloves and brawl like your life depends on it. Because it does.

--Nicole

P.S. - Yes, I know that photo is goofy.  I took it to mock my teenage sisters & niece for the types of pix they always post on FB. Don't judge, lol.

2 comments:

Sis Ivd said...

I actually LIKE this pic!!!

Nicole J. Butler said...

Really? Haha!