Friday, May 27, 2011
The Symbiosis of Hateration and Success
I tried to write a post entitled "Haters" back in 2007. It remains in "draft" form to this day. Periodically, I feel the urge to broach the subject from time to time, but never have, because I'm not a fan of giving airtime to people who devote time to making other people's lives difficult.
In my experience, the word "hater" is often misused by virtue of being extended to include anyone who doesn't agree with you.
Difference of opinion does not a hater make.
Haters put more energy into tearing down than building up. They exist in many forms: from the openly hostile who let you know EXACTLY where they stand, to the 'frenemy' who smiles at you while s/he snipes away at your dreams, to the relative with whom you share your plans, only to be left with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, and not quite know why.
Haters are quick to point out problems, but offer little (usually nothing) in the way of a solution. Their protestations are full of sound and fury, signifying nothing other than more cheap talk.
Anybody who is doing anything worth doing, or is moving a direction that looks like they may be on the road to doing something worth doing, has haters.
That's one way of knowing that you know that you're on to something.
Haters don't hate on people who sit on the curb and bitch right along with them. They hate on people who decide it's time to get their feet out of the gutter and elevate. Hateration is born of insecurity, and haters hate on people who are doing things they wish they had the courage to try, or the talent to do. Haters hate on people who expose all of their excuses as just talk. If we were both sitting on the front porch talking about people last week, and this week you're out moving in the direction of your dreams, I either have to talk about how stupid, unworthy, and untalented you are, or I have to take a serious look at myself. Haters are people who aren't ready to put in the work that it takes to self-excavate.
When someone close to you turns out to be a hater, it can really hurt your feelings. Recognize it for what it is, and understand that it feels very personal, but really has nothing to do with you. Don't hate them back. You don't even have to pity them. Just know that this is part of their journey, and hope that someday they will realize their worth, get off the curb, and follow their passions too. Maybe they'll be inspired by you - who knows? This is why it's important for you to do your work: because you never know who needs it.
Haters'll continue to snipe, but you just keep doing your thing - onward and upward. It's harder to hit a moving target, anyway.
P.S. - Mary J. Blige coined the word "hateration" in this video, so I thought it only fair to pay homage.