Getting Lost.

In my life, I've found that when I want change, I need to change something. Like Einstein said, "Nothing happens until something moves." Sometimes I'm moved to be still (oxymoron. i know.), and sometimes I'm moved to re-jigger the status quo. This past weekend, I realized that it's time to do the latter.

Actually, the realization came mid-week last week, when I realized that I was working hard at specific tasks, but I had lost sight of my big picture. I was attending Richard Lawson's "Master Your Career" workshop last week, and he began by asking who among us could see our purpose so clear that it could be projected onto the projection screen. I started to raise my hand, because, well... I'm all about vision, goals, and doing what it takes to get things done. But in trying to visualize what was once so clear, I realized that I couldn't anymore. That I knew I was continuing to put time and effort into my career because that was the way to climb the ladder, but I no longer had any idea what I wanted to see once I got to the top of the ladder.

This really disturbed me. I work with other actors who tell me what they're trying to make happen in their careers, and why they're stalled. I help them get unstuck. How in the heck did I, then, get stuck??

Simple. I didn't keep my eyes on the prize, I kept my eyes on my "to do" list. It became more about the trees and I lost sight of the forest. So driving to an audition would become an isolated task, not connected to a greater whole, and I would get road rage and yell at people (really, y'all), instead of just taking delight in the journey like I used to do very easily. Taking to my yoga mat turned into competing with the person next to me (which would, in turn, lead to my being unfocused, unstable and falling over).

Disconnected, and going through the motions.

After the workshop that night, without hesitation, I came home and signed up for Richard's weekend seminar, and for 16 hours this weekend, I connected with other artists who were also About the work of clarifying their purpose.

It was great. I remembered things I had forgotten, and found the excitement that has been on the wane for quite a while. I also had to take a hard look at what I allowed to get in my way and why. THAT was tough, but very necessary.

So, this is part of my triage. Next step? Treatment.

--Nicole