After I wrote my last blog post, I pretty much just said "whatever." As in "whatever happens, I'm open to it, and I'm rolling with it. Whatever the plan, I ain't no punk. Whatever."
A funny thing happens when you stop tying your efforts to outcomes. I've learned this lesson twice this week.
After I said "whatever," two voiceover auditions came in for me. A series-regular pilot audition also came in for me.
I excitedly recorded the VO auditions and sent them to my VO agent. I've been doing VO workouts, so I feel quite comfortable doing this now.
The pilot audition caused me some anxiety. No matter that the character was perfect for me, and that I instantly connected with the material. No matter that I've been in this game for awhile now, and this is definitely not my first rodeo.
My head went right to "I have to get this perfect, because I need to book this." and "It's been a year since my LAST audition this big."
Thankfully, I had the weekend to work on the script. I spent two days drilling the lines, and had a friend work with me on Sunday, the day before the audition. After seeing what I prepared, he asked me what was going on with me. Basically, I knew the lines, but I had made a bunch of safe, middle-of-the-road choices, and he, knowing my work, knew this wasn't a good representation of it. He pushed. I got defensive. He pushed some more, I felt deflated. He pushed some more. I said "okay" and went with it, making choices that were more true for me, and not trying to be "perfect," or just to serve the script.
I woke up the next day, feeling calm. Prepared. I went for a walk in the park. I breathed deeply. I went home, and got ready for my audition. I was too fat for the pants that I had planned to wear, but I just used it - my "character" was having a fat day. Whatever.
I left early, and (on autopilot), drove to the wrong address, about 3 blocks past where I was supposed to go. Whatever. I had time. I just got back into my car and drove to where I was supposed to be.
There were a LOT of people there, and it was clear who was there for "my" role. I could hear them auditioning through the door. Whatever. I stayed in my lane, and focused on what I was there to do.
Before they called my name, I went for a walk down the long hallway, just to pace a little, breathe deeply, and check in with myself. "Nicole?"
"Yes, hello!" Showtime.
I felt completely at ease, and I was able to ENJOY the audition. No idea if I booked the role, but I knew I had represented myself very well. I left smiling and did a (slight) swag-walk back to my car.
And I got a callback, so I get to do it all again tomorrow, only for more people.